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In Oceans Deep

"And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand"

Drowning. Submerged. Succumbed. Suffocating. In oceans deep. 

That's where I was. That's where you were. I often wondered how did I get here? I was searching. I was seeking. I was longing to have what only you could offer me but no one really told me that and to take the responsibility off of others, I hadn't discovered you. I didn't know and maybe I wasn't really listening at times but mostly, it was ignorance. 

I had fallen prey to that which I thought I was stronger than. It was cyclical and I wish I could say I saw it as it was happening. I wish I could say I saw all of the red flags but ignored them. I wish I could say I knew better but really, I didn't. There is something about being so deep, in an ocean so vast, that you lose a part of yourself, your identity, your soul. 

It didn't happen all at once, as I continued to walk, my footing was losing ground. Gradual steps. Slowly sinking ... quickly realizing the lie ... yet continuing to walk. Forward movement, at least that's what I thought. There was movement, there wasn't progress. 

The lie whispered that this was the end. The fabricated video played over and over in my head, you don't have a choice. The deception, the belief, that I alone could handle what this life would throw my way was the beat I was marching to. 

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Truth. Are you the truth? Could you be the answer to all of my questioning? Exploring? Could it be that in my search I was taken down a rabbit hole of pitfalls, disappointments, frustration, some happiness but more despair and yet there in the middle of the mess, there I find you? In the mystery. In oceans deep. 

On December 9th, 2012, not only did I find you yet again but I heard you ... calling me out upon the waters, into the great unknown. 

I was already in the middle of the ocean, lost at sea, out of my element, in oceans deep. That's where I was. That's where you were. 

In that unfamiliar place was where I felt your warm and welcoming embrace. I believed you were the answer. I believed you were what my heart so desired. I believed. My faith will stand.

Drowning in your grace. Submerged in your Spirit. Succumbed to your will.  Suffocating in your love. 

In oceans deep. My faith will stand. And I will call upon your name ... just as you have called mine. 

Three years and forever more - my best YES! 
"It's our anniversary" (name that tune) 

Glory to God. 


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