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In With The New

When I started my walk with God almost two years ago now, I remember feeling like I could no longer operate as the old Jen, that things had to change, that the term 'born again' actually had truth behind it and it's not just something Christians say. Although I didn't feel different at the time, I knew that I was entering into a new season, new dimension even. 

Before you think that religion tricked me into becoming someone different, let me offer a different perspective. There were things from my past that I was carrying into my present. I had emotional baggage, if you will. I didn't know it then because I was hiding under the guise, "Well this just how I am. Love me or leave me alone." I didn't think twice about losing someone in my life because I believed that if you loved and cared for me, you had to deal with ALL of me. Very selfish thinking, I know. Not once did I stop to think about how my actions made the other person feel, how their love for me was actually hindering my growth, how their friendship was a blessing not my birthright. 

While on this journey with God, through prayer, He revealed to me all of the guck that was in my heart. It wasn't pretty and it didn't happen all at once. I just remember praying for Him to remove anything that was blocking my growth but before removing those things, I had to face those very things. Nope, it was not easy. 

I had to go back to my childhood and relive those moments. I had to go back to my teenage years. I had to go back to the week before even and see the things that I was doing. There were good memories and then there were the ones that affected me and I never let go of. I kept those emotions inside thinking some way somehow that as I got older and as I lived my life as an adult, those things would dissipate. Perhaps I fancied myself a magician, not sure why that was my logic but reality set in when those very things were manifesting themselves in my present life. To summarize some of that process, the biggest challenge that lay ahead of me was to surrender it all and start anew. 

I didn't know how to surrender it. I didn't know that I could remove myself from my past, I thought I was the sum of my mistakes. I thought that I loved myself but I soon found out that I didn't. What I took away from that process was that I didn't love myself enough. That I didn't see myself worthy. 

This is where God stepped in. He told me, "My grace is sufficient. You don't have to take on this task, this burden. Give it to me, my yoke is easy. It's not by your might but by my spirit." He reminded me that when I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior that I was a new creation. The old had passed away. He reminded me to stop condemning myself that I was not bound by those things of the past but that I have been set free. It's a new day. He told me to receive His love and all that comes with it - forgiveness, healing, identity, power, mercy, compassion, deliverance, a new heart,  FREEDOM. 

All of this can be found in the Bible but if you're not following Jesus that doesn't mean much to you at the moment. I get that. That was my process and I pray that one day you'll come to know Him but that's a choice you have to make. 

So I suggest, you let it go anyway. I suggest you face it anyway. I suggest you find someone to talk to and with about those emotions from the past. I suggest, after having dealt with some of your past hurts and experiences, that you leave the past in the past and allow yourself to experience the freedom of a new day. I suggest you do some reflecting and see what has been holding you back either professionally, socially or spiritually. You might have to go into those archives but that's okay, love yourself enough to deal with the past so that you can be free from the guck. You do not have to hold on to that, LET IT GO. 

You can start over. You can pick yourself back up. You can apologize to that person. You can forgive that person. You can think new thoughts and train yourself to do so as you would your body at the gym. You can hit the reset button. You can, you can, you can! And when people don't recognize the person you've become you can say, "It's just a brand new me." Yes, I borrowed that from Alicia Keys but it's so appropriate.  Sing it!

"If you notice that I'm different
Don't take it personally

Don't be mad

It's just a brand new kinda me"

Glory to God. 
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